If you’ve been following along our story since I’ve been sharing, you know that pretty much this blog represents my broken heart. Thus far, I’ve shared how our grief over losing our babies has broken our hearts. We will never be the same nor whole this side of heaven. Our hearts have been broken due to grief.
But that’s not really where I was hoping to go with this. Simultaneously to a broken heart due to grief and shattered expectations, my heart has been breaking due to another reason.
The plight of the orphan.
This broken heart both overwhelms me and gives me a whole different emotion that I’m not yet sure I can describe. I’ve learned that the most painful breaks are the result of a hardened heart. We want to avoid those, people.
However, I think this different kind of broken heart is actually the result of softening rather than hardening. When we soften our hearts to the things of the Lord, we begin to see through new eyes. We catch glimpses of his utterly immense love for the people he has created, and especially for me lately, the fatherless.
It still hurts. Sometimes the pain of this kind of broken heart catches me off guard. It’s the chipping away of self and the gaining of an eternal perspective… It hurts our sense of self. It might even hurt our pride. Or our dreams for our white-picket life. It certainly hurts our naïveté.
But let me tell you, I am doing my darnedest to embrace this softly broken heart. I want to be sensitized. I want to feel fully. I passionately want to know the heart of my God.
When I soften my heart and allow Him to break it in the ways His heart breaks, I find myself nearer ever-so-slightly to Him. I can catch glimpses of heaven and begin to learn more deeply how to love as He loves.
Breaking me down leaves Him alone.