To this day, when “The Hurt & The Healer” by MercyMe plays on the radio or over iTunes, my heart skips a beat. It was shortly after losing Basil that I was on a miscarriage support online forum when another woman posted the song.
I listened to it, and I sobbed.
I recognized then that I had heard the song before but never listened to it. There is so much in life that goes the same way for me: I am familiar with something – a song, a passage of Scripture, a testimony – but I don’t really listen until God ordains it so. He uses those moments to speak Truth to me. I’m so glad He does.
“The Hurt & The Healer” can apply to any struggle, pain, or hurt, I suppose. But, frankly, in my mind, it will always be a song about losing a baby.
The first verse packs a punch:
The question that is never far away
The healing doesn’t come from the explained
Jesus please don’t let this go in vain
You’re all I have
All that remains
How many times have I asked myself that question, Why? Especially in the early days when my perspective was so painfully short, I could not understand why. Even still, I am pretty sure I have very few answers, but I’m practicing my trust in His ways. Because the song is so right – the healing doesn’t come from the explained. No “good enough” answer could heal a broken heart. Logic doesn’t work in these situations, and pat answers can often drive the hurt deeper.
Healing is simply supernatural. God steps in. When I am weak, He is strong.
So here I am
What’s left of me
Where glory meets my suffering
And then came the clencher… I don’t know if I cried right away that first time truly listening to the song, but I can guarantee you that tears were shed at the chorus. It’s still the part that provokes emotion to well up inside me.
Even though a part of me has died
You take my heart and breathe it back to life
I’ve fallen into Your arms open wide
When the hurt and the healer collide
The lyrics speak for themselves, really. When you lose a baby, a part of you very literally dies. I don’t really understand the theology of pain, but I am oh-so-grateful that He is there to fall into. He is the healer for my hurt.
And, if you’re a believer, you can have the utmost hope that the pain isn’t for naught. We serve a King who has already won the battle.
“O Death, where is your sting?
O Hades, where is your victory?”
1 Corinthians 15:55
MercyMe sings the bridge, and it certainly allows hope to swell within me, regardless of my breaking heart.
It’s the moment when humanity
Is overcome by majesty
When grace is ushered in for good
And all our scars are understood
When mercy takes its rightful place
And all these questions fade away
When out of the weakness we must bow
And hear You say “It’s over now”
Sometimes, it’s the only thing that keeps us moving through the hurt – taking a step at a time. Our Healer has already come, and if you know Him personally, then you know that our suffering is only for a season.
The song ends with a reminder that I need nearly daily. I don’t want to live in the fear of another miscarriage, of more hurt. If I believe that children are a blessing, then I must not allow myself to give up on the sacred. I must continue to trust the Lord.
Jesus come and break my fear
Awake my heart and take my tears
Find Your glory even here